Strength

What is strength? I think we tend to think of strength as a physical or mental attribute and one that is most demonstrated by what we can do or accomplish, perhaps even by what we can do that others can't. This thus makes us strong. But is this little more than arrogance? Is it folly to believe that we are strong and capable and that we have a list of strengths and attributes that provide us with our armour/support/resolve? Certainly the Bible paints a very clear picture of all our strength coming from the Lord God. Indeed, in the Old Testament the placing of faith by the Israelites in their own abilities would bring disaster as God removed their true support - His strength. Are we not doing the same thing each and every day in hundreds of circumstances, and facing disaster as we see our strength vanish with unemployment, illness and loss of those things that we took for granted and placed our faith in? Thankfully we are saved by Christ's sacrifice and strengthed through his abundant grace, but it still made me ponder greatly this week.

Crossroads

I feel like i'm currently in one of those periods that some people might characterise as a crossroads. Others might call it the wilderness (although I think that is a bit extreme if discussing my current situation), and I quite like the term shadowlands (borrowed of course from C.S. Lewis and suggesting that the time we occupy is a time in which we struggle to see what lies ahead; struggle to see the path laid out for us, surrounded as we are by varying darkness). This seems to be a reality for many areas of my life - job, home, and relationships (with friends and family but especially with Steph as both of us struggle to see how we might be together in the same country any time soon). But this crossroads, this realm of shadows is most perplexing when it touches my Christian walk, which at the moment is a frequent reality.

Now, before I trigger any panic buttons amongst my limited readership, I am not saying here that I am walking away from God, or that I am on the slippery slope. What I am saying is that things are strained and difficult right now. A lack of routine ensures that it is difficult to have a focused time of prayer and praise and Bible study each day, though of course its always a struggle to sit down and do this and I am under no illusion that work and routine will not bring its own challenges to meeting with the Lord, which of course they will. More peturbing though is church attendance. Given that I have already blogged about this at least once (maybe twice) that alone is a sign that its becoming an issue. By issue I mean something serious, difficult and frustrating.

Last week I made it to church, this week I didn't. That is the theme. One week i'm there, the next I'm not. Now church in of itself does not make me a Christian, but it is important and a wise way to live. That I am not making it is troubling. Yes, there are factors that complicate things, for example being 30 minutes drive from Christ Church and not being entirely comfortable or encouraged by the state of churches in St Helens. But even then is that really an excuse?

This leads me then to my crossroads. Church and how to resolve the situation. Prayer is one answer and sadly the one I turn to least. Continuing to pick myself up and fight is another ( and one that I and every other Christian faces each and every day in numerous situations) but then how do I then proceed? I've considered getting involved in a church in St Helens (Even though that would involve leaving behind good friends and a wonderful church of which I have declared my commitment through membership) or do I continue to attended Christ Church even though I am not really part of that community anymore (ie Liverpool) and I am woeful in actually attending the Sunday service, let alone housegroups. In my mind I even range to wondering if I should make a clean break and move to another town (or even country - for example USA) to resolve the difficulties. I just don't know folks and the more I dither the more rapildy the struggle becomes an epic trial.

Whatever the answer, that is my crossroads. I am thankful that God is unchanging, loving, perfect and merciful and that I can trust Him in everything that I do including this. Pray that I will do that however, that I will trust the Lord in prayer and hope and give thanks to every blessing that I do have.