A Dilema

Each Sunday I am presented with a dilema. In essence, do I try and make it over to Liverpool and go to the church that I have been so blessed with over the last three years, or, do I go to a more local church, my parents church, in St Helens?

When I first moved home the answer seemed clear. As far as I was concerned I would soon have a job in Liverpool and I would move back to the city, so it seemed logical in the meantime to continue at Christ Church with the great friends that I have there. It is after all a church that is blessed with some incredible teaching and at a time when I am back home and surrounded by uncertainty, great teaching is what you need.

However as time has moved on and a year and a half has passed (man that seems like a huge amount of time) I am still in St Helens and for the past year or so I have battled non stop to get to a church. In many ways I have developed a sad love/hate relationship with Christ Church, a place which now fills me with fear if I try to get over there (some talk of not wanting people to be late, which I do understand, and then my own issues with getting there on time helping me to be terrified of being slammed by the elders or deacons for walking in late), a place which doesent seem to be a caring church. This is sad as I have many great friends in that church who are loving, caring people and the teaching is still fantastic and oh how I miss it so.

Because of that love/hate relationship, and the reality of being in a different town to Christ Church, I have considered going to my parents church, a place which I have frequently visited when I used to come home from Uni at holidays. However, the teaching is certainly very different at that church (with my CC goggles on it seems quite lacking or at least limited in its scope) and the environment certainly isn't academic (not that this is a bad thing, just with those CC goggles on again its a bit different). Fellowship also fills me with fear as so many folk there are either very young or very old, and in each case they are very St Helens in their outlook. All of this is fine, but for me coming into the church it leaves me with deep apprehension as to whether or not I could survive there.

Yesterday was a case in point in how this dilema plays out in my life. I got up and endeavoured to get the Christ Church but arrived outside the church at 10 35, around 20 minutes after the church now starts. Realising this I was overcome with fear and anxiety (which had been building for the whole journey over) and carried on to Sefton Park and then ended up idling away the morning in Liverpool. In the evening I decided to go to my parents church which was good although again it was apparent that in terms of fellowship, teaching and the way the teaching was presented it seems a million miles from CC.

And yet, while I was there in the evening I was thinking about Jonah running from God and God basically stopping in him in his tracks in spectacular style and forcing him to go and do what he had been instructed to do. That had me wondering about my dilemas with church and how just getting to CC has become a huge, overwhelming nightmare this year. Are the pitfalls that I experience in getting to CC a case in point of me being pushed onto a different path by the Lord? Perhaps that is a foolish way of looking at the situation - no doubt my own lazyness plays a huge part in it all - but I definately know that there are times when I feel that God is asking me to do something at St Andrews. Now, what that is I don't know - in itself the idea of doing anything in that church fills me with dread and I am overwhelmed as the attitudes to Bible teaching are very different and I have all this academic background which would mean little there. Even more important is the case of 'feeling' that I should be there. I know many people who would say that I need to be careful in using that feeling. I agree, which is why I have been praying a great deal for wisdom and direction.

Thus if you have managed to read through this epic post, I ask that you might pray for me as I seek God's will on this issue - of church and how to serve right now. It is one of many decisions that seemingly all I can do is sit at God's feet and pray. This is great but I think I could do with all the support and encouragement I can get. Thanks.

Ohio

Having been to the US a few times now, I have spent the overwhelming porportion of my time in what is a vast, vast country, in the relatively small state of Ohio. Now, Ohio is a bit of an odd place. Over here in the UK I would imagine no one has heard of it really. Well, aside from around a presidential election when all of a sudden it seems to be the most powerful place on the planet, constantly mentioned in relation to polling, voter habits etc. And in a funny way I think that the way Ohio is portrayed over here - that of complete anonymity to blanket media coverage during a presidential election is revealing of some of the true character of the state.

Hopefully you aren't already confused, but whether you are or not I shall explain. Ohio is a state that even its residents, whilst displaying huge pride for their homeland (and especially the Ohio State University american football team), will probably chuckle if you say that Ohio is anything but average. Driving around the state it certainly appears that way. I mean, don't get me wrong. Ohio is a very pleasant place to be. Its landscape whilst not dramatic has a certain beauty. In many ways it is a place where white picket fence - or Smallville America as I like to call it - America comes to life. But its not exactly exciting.

This lack of excitement seems born out in the fact that during his recent documentary series on America, Stephen Fry, didn't even bother to explore the state in any fashion. Indeed he simply drove through en route to Michigan, talking about students being shot in the 70s at Kent State Unversity and then remarked that there was a good song about those events. Thus in a matter of two minutes Mr Fry contributed to the notion abroad that Ohio has little depth to it. That it is bland farm land, with a sad history.

And yet, that Stephen Fry documentary really frustrated me. The reaction of Ohioians to their state in a way surprises me. Why do I react like this you may ask? Well, because Ohio, if you dig around, seems to be a virtual treasure trove of history, innovation and industry. A visit here, a visit there and all of a sudden the idea that Ohio has such prominence in the US presidential elections seems much less fanciful. For a start Ohio really does seem to be the centre of the US space program. Now, of course, much of the operations for the space program take place in Florida or Texas, but much of the machinery for space flight at all stages seems to have been sourced in Ohio. Neil Armstrong, John Glenn and apparently around half of all astronauts come from this small state. HALF!!

Secondly, a large number of presidents hail from Ohio - infact Ohio calls itself the craddle of presidents. Furthermore many of the leading generals for the Union during the American Civil War come from Ohio.

Ohio has also produced a large number of celebrities - i think Spielberg and Chris Columbus (of Harry Potter and Home Alone fame) are among them - whilst it has been used for a number of film locations. It is, or was, the centre of the US's vast manufacturing base.

And yet at the same time you will find a rich vain of German, British and Irish heritage and historical buildings. The Amish community still flourishes in large numbers and you can find trully amazing Amish food in many places. The landscape, whilst being largely flat, farm land, does also include the enormous Lake Eerie, and the appalachian plateu. You will find the remnants of many native american tribes as well as hundreds of historical markers that remind you that at one point Ohio was the forfront of American exploration and was also of great signifcance during the British and French wars and the American War of Independence.

And thus Ohio is an odd place. It is not recognised in the UK, and it certainly seems bland too visitors and natives alike. And yet it is a highly significant state electorally and seems to be the most powerful place in the democratic world. It has a rich heritage and tradition of innovation that rivals many other places in the US and abroad. So please, if you will, dig around a little if you ever have the chance.