The Pit

I read a psalm the other day which, in describing God, commented that he 'redeems your life from the pit.' This is but one of many wonderous and indescrible acts of love, but how wonderful a statement that is, that the Lord God overlooks our many inadequacies and folly's because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, and seeks to lift us out of the pit. The pit - what a great word. A word conveying a place that instantly identifies us with a place or environment that is not going to be pleasant. Even as I write this post the first thing that comes to mind when i think of a pit is a cess pit, the oldest and most traditional form of waste extraction. Nice!

Of course, the scary thing about that pit is that it might not be at that level of extremity. It might not be a cess pit. It could just be a depression in the ground. A place that is blatantly not on the higher ground that God might want us to be upon. A circumstance and surrounding that is not the straight path that comes from following the Lord. And yet when it is not a cess pit and when it is just a slight depression, surely that is the most dangerous place. In those circumstance we may not have even noticed that we are in a pit, and we continue on oblivious to the fact that we are in danger, not even stopping to cry out to the Lord for rescue.

I'll change tack here for a second as I am very aware you might be confused with my topographical nonsense above. The pit of course is not necessarily a place - although it might be if you fall down a big hole in the future and plead with the Lord for rescue. Hoping that that is going to be exceptionally unlikely though, in the vast majority of cases the pit is a comment on the state of our lives, and often our spiritual lives. The pit could refer to our feeling or perception when times seem exceptionally difficult. Unemployment, loss of a loved one, illness, rejection, etc etc etc. It could also refer to the simple and plain fact that we have slipped and slided to a point spiritually were we are so convicted of our guilt and seemingly trapped by our sin and folly that we struggle even to look to the Lord for hope. We are blinkered, lost and depressed by our surroundings. Surroundings that look like an inescapble pit rather than the straight path we should be on.

So in this spiritual/daily lives sense, the pit is a place of despair. The pit I referred to above, that of very difficult circumstances or severe spiritual backsliding, is perhaps best translated into the the cess pit. A place where we know whole heartedly we are in trouble and all we can do is scream out to God and ask Him to lift us. The minor depression in the land though is much more tricky. This could be manageable, continuous stress that is slowly eating away and causing us illhealth of poor relationships, or a job or lifestyle which although not demonstrably bad is keeping us from God's straight paths. Spiritually it could be that we are neglecting our Bibles or prayer and that slowly but surely we are sinking into the ground. This is scary as before we know it we can be in that huge, slimy pit of despair (the cess pit) but having massively damaged our own lives, hurt others and succeeded only in not obeying God.

Having said all that, the one wonderful thing to take from all this topological stuff is this plain and simple truth - that the Lord God in his loving, perfect way, will lift you out of the pit, whatever pit it may be, and place your feet firmly on solid ground. How wonderful and joyous is that? And the shrewd amongst you will realise that its exactly how this blog post began - meaning that you can leave out all the stuff in the middle. Brilliant! :-)

Encounters with a Fairy Ogre

I'll try to keep this brief as even I may have to concede my blog entries have a tendancy to delve into waffle at the mo. I've spent most of today sorting through clothing and equipment that I used this last weekend camping in the Lakes. Almost all of it was damp, wet or saturated which should give you an idea of just how wet it was these last few days. But what great days they were.

A group of us celebrated Andy Moll's stag weekend with a meal in Liverpool on Friday and then two short days in the Lake District, walking, camping and eating and drinking in the Buttermere area. It rained a lot and there were moments when the wind was so vicious it was hurling our neighbours tents across rivers and bringing down trees that later blocked at least one of the roads out of the valley. And yet, even with such terrible weather it was a great weekend of friendship and fellowship, and I hope, a suitable way to mark Andy's tranisition from a life sans Beko to a new married life.

It really was a great weekend.

Time and Commitments

One of the things I find hardest in the world we live in is just how hard it can be to use time effectively. Before I go on, I realise and appreciate that there are ways in which we can discipline ourselves to better use the time we are given. Making the choice to not watch television and study your Bible for example. Or choosing to get out of bed on a Saturday morning rather than lye there for another few hours. These are but a few examples. However, I hope that it is acceptible to say that inspite of our best efforts there are still moments in which the precious time God gives us slips away into oblivion, or becomes almost inpossible to manage in a way that satisfies what is being asked of us.

And it is on that point - using time to satisfy commitments in our lives - that I now turn. Very often in life (although much less so at the moment) I find that I am in positions which require me to make a firm commitment. To stand up and say 'I will be there' or 'I will do that'. Very often these may be commitments to people we care about, and equally often we may have to make a decision between different people or groups of people that are important in our lives. This is when it gets messy, not least when other external factors that are beyond our control come into play.

Making a commitment is important and failing to do so can be hurtful and frustrating to others and falls short of being a good witness to friends and family. At the same time however making a commitment in haste or in the knowledge that we might not be able to follow through is equally risky and foolish. Thus it is that using our time wisely and both making and keeping our commitments is a very difficult business at times and one that I know leaves me troubled.

My friend Bill

Having recently demolished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, i've now started reading a book I bought recently by Bill Bryson. Entitled, rather simply, Shakespeare (a title that should leave little imagine to what its about in a loose sense), I'd first eyed it up a few months ago in the bestseller list at Tesco, but held off buying the book as I had so many others to read and wanted to be careful about money and how much I was spending. Anyhoo, having cleared a few books and seeing it again in a delightful little bookshop in Grasmere in the Lakes, I decided to buy Shakespeare.

Now, as much as I do have at least a passing interest in England's most famous bard, I bought this book mostly because it was by Bill Bryson. Indeed, it would be safe to say that I have been a Bryson fan for a long, long time, and the mere addition of his name to a book will be enough for me to at least give it great consideration as book to buy and read. His books A Walk in the Woods and Notes from a Big Country would both easily make it on to my top ten favourite reads, whilst I find the vast majority of his other works both interesting and engaging. Certainly his autobiographical The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid seemed a little lacking and a bit disappointing, but even that had its moments of sheer joy and brilliance.

The reason I like Bill Bryon books boils down to a few key points. First of all he is a man who is very obviously a bit of a geek - like me. He is a dedicated, capable researcher and passionate student about all kinds of subjects. He seems to love information, learning, researching and covers a whole range of subjects (as displayed generally in the boggling amount of information he crams into his travel books, and more specifically in his History of Nearly Everything science book and the English language studies such as Made in America) and in adopting this position, having this attitude to learning, he is a man after my own heart. I too love consuming information, researching and do this in a variety of subject areas.

Secondly, he seems to have a very balanced, considered approach to his research. Certainly his opinion and persepctive shine through in all his work, but at the same time I do feel reassured that he is at least open to the possibility that he is by no means right. He has humility and a determined belief to consider many angles. This I respect immensly.

Thirdly, he is an American who loves America and Britain equally, has lived in both countries, and is married to a British woman. He is, therefore someone who shares the strange transatlantic world that I seem at this moment to be living.

Fourthly, he has a passion for the outdoors, for the culture and heritage he sees around him and an equal passion to preserve that culture and heritage. He has the American links, the interesting learning and history, language etc etc. In other words we seem to have many common interests and that obviously helps engage you in reading books.

Fifly, he has a writing style that manages to convey all that information in a way that is very much likeable and approachable to people who might otherwise find the topic dull and/or beyond them. His work on science A Short History of Nearly Everything was a joy to read in the way it helped explain and relate the most complex of scienftic theories. And best of all you are never more than a few pages away from honest, open, humble humour.

These are the reasons I like Bill Bryson books and the reason I am now reading a book on Shakespeare. Go buy a Bill Bryson book today and put a knowledgeble smile on your face.

Great Picture

This is a great picture, even if I do say so myself. Something about it, the colours, the sheer raw nature of the wood and the metal together, all help me appreciate it more than I would another picture. It is, in case you were wondering, part of an old medieval door from a stately home in sunniest Lancashire.

Space Loos

I haven't written on here for a while, a sign, perhaps, of the fact that I've been in the Lakes for a week and also been somewhat distracted with life.

However, I feel an entry is needed and what better than to talk about the rather bizarre world of the space programme (the global space programme) and its sheer oddness. You may have seen in the news recently that the International Space Station has been experiencing lavatory troubles. It seems that the $100 billion space station is equipped with only one toilet, a somewhat surprising oversight (especially given its remoteness if anything goes wrong), and one that prompted an unprecedented plumbing emergency this week, as said waste extractor broke.

Back on earth Russian engineers hurridly prepared the urgently needed replacement parts (the ISS is of course a mixture of global technologies), which were then loaded onto a plane, flown over to Florida, rushed through US customs in a diplomatic bag (thus avoiding the pitfalls of long customs delays), taken to NASA, who then set about stripping the space shuttle (which was due to launch on a seporate mission) of non-essential items so as to accomodate the toilet bits'n'bobs. At which point the shuttle lifted off, docked with the ISS, and an engineer successfully repaird the loo. Joy of joys!!!

A successful and staggeringly complex operation to fix a toilet. An expensive one too, coming in at some $450 million. For a toilet! Amazing.

Swivelling Seats

A story unfolds before us, slowly but surely light is shed on a mysterious object. Music begins, light hearted, jolly, moving us along in this tale. Suddenly the spotlight falls upon the swivelling chair and dvd player in the centre of..... the car!!! Amazing. Astonishment follows as the music stops being soft and going into a bit of frenzy. A pause ensues and then the razzle dazzle wonder amazing guitar rift kicks in and the story ends.

Hazaah!! All of a sudden all your problems are at an end, the solution of life is clear. A car with swivelling seats and a dvd player. Its so simple you are amazed you didn't think of it before. The kids will be amazed. The sky will always be the most techincolour blue you could ever imagine, and the grass greener than green. All because you bought the car with the swivelling chair and dvd player.

This is of course the story of modern advertising, no longer selling a product on the product itself but on how it makes you feel, on the association you will have with it. The advert I am alluding to here is a particularly one for a car thats circulating at the mo which has as its main selling points a swivelling chair and a dvd player, but there are others. For instance I was particularly gripped and almost sold on how a mobile phone would improve my mood, not because of the phone, but because the phone was shown with laughing people and beautiful scenery.

Modern advertising is scary in its ability to sell us the solution to life in the form of a materialistic item. I'm not rallying against captialism here. I actually really quite like capitalism and my materialistic objects. Its just scary to think people actually think (myself included) that we will find satisfaction in a car or a phone alone, and that comes from associations with things that having little to do with the phone, things that often are gifts from the Lord or reveal his glory. All harnessed for a marketing campaign. Crazy.

Dynamo

I've been struggling a bit of late. Meeting with God in prayer and reading my Bible has been more of a hurdle than a desire and as such i've been avoiding the hurdle quite successfully - sadly.

As a consequence of this of course, i've been struggling with other things. Today its back to jobs again. I seem to have no focus, look at jobs and see only a bleak abyss, and am just generally a bit downcast. I did watch an episode of Band of Brothers yesterday in which one of the characters remarked that a particularly bleak situation they were all in seemed to have no end, and this is the key bit, at least as far as they could see. Later in the episode an unforseen development resolves their dilema, and this made my heart leap knowing that as long as I trust in God and keep chipping away things will happen that will help resolve the job situation, amongst others, that right now I cannot even contemplait.

For the moment though I am struggling to bring things before the Lord whilst I feel a bit like I have a huge creative dynmo lurking inside me, spinning away and seeking to explode in a fit of productivity, and yet, for the moment I have very little to do - or at least it seems that way.

Tales of Endurance

I finished a book today. In itself thats not entirely a blog worthy event, and, especially now that I am post-thesis and pre-employment, I have been reading quite a bit more than I did in the past. But, the book I finished was so facinating, so vast in its topic, that I decided to give it a bit of mention on here.

Entitled 'Tales of Endurance' and written by a chap called Fergus Flemming, it sets out in the form of short chapters to tell the tale of western exploration over a period of around 700 years. However, accepting that that would require a massive study and write up the like of which would take 20 years to read, let alone write and research, Flemming hand picked a veritable who's who of exlporers and their exploits and set about producing a handy 600 page (thereabouts) journey from Marco Polo in the late thirteenth century to the fateful exploits of the Italian led airship expedition that set out to discover vast swathes of the Arctic in the 1920s.

And I was gripped for the entire journey. Flemming opened my eyes and introduced me to new and unknown figures, whilst joining the dots and providing the missing pieces of the tales and lives of well known historical personalities, such as Scott and Shakelton. It was a journey that ranged from the frozen wastes of the Arctic and Antarctic, to the searing heat of Sahara dessert, taking in epic mountain and jungle treks as it went. It was a grim adventure, men and women battling through immense difficulties and harsh conditions, only to die from run-ins with the locals, scurvy, exposure, and starvation to name but a few maladies. On many occasions though it was also a tale of people overcoming those maladies and escaping hopeless situations, and although Mr Flemming was not entirely enthusiastic about this point, so so many of these men and women battled on seeking and trusting in the Lord. Amazing!

It was also filled with interesting little bits here and there, the three that amused me the most being:

a. Thomas Jefferson believed that native americans were actually a lost tribe of Welshmen!!
b. Mount Everest, which we pronounce Ev-rest, should actually be pronounced Eve-rest (as in Adam and Eve).
c. The main motivation for the first British expeditions to climb Everest was to build character.

Great book.

Demise of A Computer

For the second time in the history of this blog I'm writing about the demise of a computer. Most specifically my laptop, which, after two and a half years of faithful service (well maybe two years and nine months to be more exact) has almost died. I say almost as it will still work tentatively under battery power as long as the fan doesen't kick in. If the fan does kick in its all over but it is still just about continuing.

Anyhoo, I am thankfully writing from a new shiny model, which thanks to the wisdom of John Knight and the immense generosity of my parents and great aunt Ed, is working well and beginning to usurp the functions of its predecessor.

I hope that I don't seem all materialistic writing about what is ultimately a material object. Rather I am writing as its a poigniant thing in this technological age when a laptop goes awry. Facebook and MSN are, sadly, crucial to me remaining in touch with the wider world right now, while job hunting takes place on my trusty laptop, and its an essential impliment for helping me and Steph to stay in touch with each other. So a laptop becomes far more than an object, it becomes a medium to a much wider world.

And more than that, theres a certain sentimentalism to my old laptop. It essentially bore the brunt of a massive thesis research project and write up (and I do mean massive - the keyboard was pummelled), held literally tens of thousands of photographs, was also a medium of communication, and more recently provided a key lifeline to Steph and acted as an entertainment centre to help me through nights of spiritual attack. It did a lot in other words, and silly as it seems it is a bit sad to see it consigned to the rubbish pile.

Perhaps you think i'm crazy for being sad and sentimental about a laptop but its been a trusty material object.

Democracy

I can feel a little buzz inside me right now. As I type I'm watching BBC News 24 with my Dad and Boris Johnson has just been elected Mayor of London. Over the space of the last two days the Conservative Party has just won a very substantial proportion of the local election vote nationally and can now lay claim to the London Mayor.

Now, before I go on here. This is not a big, lavish pro-Conservative post. I do have a certain tendancy to support the men in blue these days, but this is not an Conservative fan club, nor does their victory specifically leave me with a buzz.

Rather, I feel that with the Conservatives registering a level of success and Labour apparently in a slump, politics and the political process is coming alive a little. Sure, I still live in a place where I can pretty much gurantee my vote counts for nothing unless I vote for Labour, but it aint half interesting when the government no longer seems all powerful, all sweeping, as it did most recently under Tony Blair. Now it seems that the voter, the average man and woman on the street has some influence with the peeps in London and that we aren't a mere commodity that is easily ignored.

To recognise that fact makes me all the more thankful that the Lord has blessed this country in so many ways. To be in a land that inspite of all the ways in which we seem to be in decline gives its people the ability to influence their government is a great joy. I was in the polling station yesterday and while it was obvious that the turn out would be verging on the pathetic and that the place was deserted I was so thankful that I could go in and vote, aided by two friendly assistants and not face oppression and intimidation. It is a great blessing.

So, there you go. Democracy. Not perfect, and not sure to solve things we want to be solved, but it is a blessing from the Lord.

The Cliff

Like most Christians, I frequently find myself confronted by the problem of sin. Be it the sin in my own life that God reveals to me in my daily walk, or in being reminded of the sinful human heart in the Bible, it is a regular, and frustrating feature of life. And because it is so frustrating and regular I tend to end up applying analogies to the problem of sin. Heres one to consider.

Imagine, if you will, that our lives on this earth are essentially an exercise of moving from one side of a mountain to the other. Our daily experiences and activities ultimately amount to fulfilling the objective of getting from A-B and all the highs and lows involved in life can be seen in the context of being immersed in bad weather or climbing various inclines (depression, stress, exhaustion), or taking in breathtaking views, feeling the warmth of the sun on our face, and spending time with companions who might be joining us on the walk (joy, laughter, peace, contentment, encouragement). Its a simple analogy but I hope its making sense thus far.

Now imagine that we have multiple choices of routes for getting over the mountain. As a Christian, God, who promises to make all our paths straight, has provided us with a very clear path that leads over the peak and presumably to point B. It is mostly well marked and paved and is on solid ground, although it still seems to climb steeply in places and looks both long and dull. And yet, as Christians we know it to be God's path and that is the right thing to do. In our lives following God's path would be seeking His wisdom and understanding and guidance in our life, through prayer and studying his word and even in attending and being involved in a church. Its simple then. We know God's path is right and we should follow that.

However, here in comes the problem of sin. Sin in this case involves being lured or decieved into taking the wrong path, or leaving the path entirely, to follow a different way. In many ways this may seem like the wise decision to us. We may follow a path along the mountain that seems more substantial or clear, that seems shorter or avoids the more perillous outcrops of rock that God's path leads over. In other words it seems better and indeed seems better and still runs closely to God's path, if at first. Thus we follow that path but before we know it the path that seemed better has veered ever more sharply away from God's path and we are now scrambling along cliffs fearing for our lives. Sound familiar? And this is the path that tricks us into a positon that is not right with God.

Even more frustrating is the moment when we are walking firmly along God's path and then all of a sudden we glance to one side and see not only a magnificent view but also some great rocks to clamber over. Sadly, we know that the view and the rocks are perilously close to a very dangerous cliff and that we really shouldn't leave God's path, and yet, even though we may have learned from previous experience that it is supreme folly to be lured in by the view and the rocks, we leave the path and ever more venture into what seems wonderful. Of course, the Devil and our own foolish hearts tell us more and more that what is foolish is actually fun and amazing and we end up closer and closer to the cliff edge and then - crash, bang, ouch!

You fall down the cliff and cling on helpless, hurting, lost, afraid, knowing that you should have stayed on God's path. Frustration, sadness and lonliness take over.

Of course, this is yet another mountain analogy from a mountain man, but you could equally change the mountain journey to one crossing a city. God provides a safe, well lit street to help you get from one place to another. But for the sake of convenience, time, or through laziness we try to take even the smallest short-cut and end up in a dark, scary back ally. Or, as with the view and the rocks we are lured into a part of town that is most definately dodgy and suddenly find ourselves facing a gang or some other peril.

Thankfully, as frustrating as it is to know that as sinful, foolish people we will make the mistake of leaving God's path, how wonderful is it to know that Jesus is the ultimate friend, companion and rescuer? Be he the mountain rescue worker who not only pulls you up but also heals your every ache and then helps you be planted fimly back on his path, or the policeman and councellor who rescues you from the inner city peril, he trully is a loving, wonderous, awesome God.

Dreams Gone By

Thinking about direction as much as I have recently its surprising (to me at least) that I've only just got around to paying any attention to where I had envisioned myself in years gone by. So here is a somewhat clouded record of where I thought I would be.

1. Youth - Well, by youth I mean aged 3-16, but you can include a variety of careers in that from astronaught and submariner, to architect, engineer, racing driver, fighter pilot.

2. High School - Here it got a bit more compicated but I was still thinking fighter pilot and architect.

3. Sixth Form - By this point I made choices of subject that plunged me firmly down the line of politics, history and geography. If anything I was drawn most to geographical careers. Vulcanology, meteorology, hydrology. All of these I found facinating and it seemed like a great idea to think about a career in one of those. However, one bad exam result (which it turned out eventually was very much a one off) and the need to apply for Uni before I knew my overall result led to me applying for history.

4. Uni - So as I started Uni I was a history student and knew only that I would like to leave Uni with a good job, well paid, probably in government. Even having become a Christian that idea of a well paid government position stayed firm in my mind and as I entered my last year I was all for working for the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office in an embassy somewhere. And yet, before I knew it God was working in my heart and changing my career direction all in one. Certainty was replaced by doubt and I was led into my masters degree.

5. MPhil - I began my MPhil thinking that it would lead into a PhD and ultimately academia. And yet, through circumstances no-one could envisage it all of a sudden became a simple MPhil and once more my immediate future seemed in doubt. More and more as I grew as a Christian the doubt grew, until it began to be shaped into a clear belief in serving God. This took the path at first of applying for the Relay training scheme, only for that door to be closed as I became overwhelmed with an MPhil that was far more of an undertaking than I could ever have imagined. And that brings me to now.... continuing to desire to serve God but trying to determine how best to do that.

The only certainty through all of this is that God has changed my perspectives and desires for the future in a way that 6 years ago I could not have forseen. In a way its been frustrating and difficult to see doors close and horizons seem impassible but its also exciting to know that God will and can continue to shape and mold me and my future.

The picture is from Calderstones Park, Liverpool.

Liverpool

Apparently my last post was my 200th. All very exciting, but I'm delighted I didn't try and dazzle you all with a glitzy, showy, wonder post to mark by bicentennial. Much better to write a line of my surprise here and move on.

Today has been a good day and inspite of waking up absolutely exhausted I was filled with a joyful thankfulness in my heart, praising the Lord. Great start! I then had some dinner and met up with Andy Moll in Liverpool which was an excellent follow up. Circumstance has brought to a halt what was a weekly time of friendship and fellowship in the past, so it was really good to catch up over a beveridge and then head into Calderstone Park for some photo taking.

And then, after Andy left, I decided to park the car in Allerton and essentially take advantage of the sunny weather to walk what was my regular walk when I lived there - down to Sefton Park and back. Which was also great. It trully is an amazing release to spend some time down there amongst God's creation, a fact that I was trully thankful for last year. I can't tell you the number of times that i ventured down there with my Bible to read God's word or simply to pray quietly to myself, and the number of times God granted me his strength and guidence. Of course, this time it was a little different. Knowing that Sefton and the streets leading up to it are such important places in my past made it exceptionally strange to know that I don't live there anymore and that it isn't really the place thats most at hand when I would like a breath of fresh air. Not wanting to lament too much, it was actually a little sad, especially thinking of all the friends that have come and gone and are leaving soon too.

But, my walk today did allow me to dwell upon some wonderous truths about the Lord and to appreciate his awesome and wonderous sovereignty not just in my life but also my friends. He trully is an incredible, loving, faithful God and the sadness of moving on is undoubtedly equalled and surpassed by the excitement of trusting and seeking after the Lord as He guides us into the future.

Beauty

Direction

As I write I feel a bit clueless in terms of direction, especially in terms of work. Which is a bit of a problem. You see, each day I wake up thinking 'What do I do today?'. The immediate answer is, prayerfully, a simple and straightforward one - look for jobs. If I find any that seem slightly interesting I then proceed to the next obvious step and apply. Simple enough you might think. But, heres the current poser. What if that isn't the right step? What if I should attempt to get direction first and then plan from then on in. Isn't that a more practical process.

Let me address this in another way. I am particulary fond of the outdoors and hiking in particular. Hiking is a joyous and wonderful experience (for me at least :-p), bringing with it health, enrichment, solitude and fellowship in equal measure. It is brilliant! And yet, it is also perilous if not regarded with respect and wisdom. Only a fool would venture out onto the hills unprepared. A beautiful summers day can be replaced in an instant by a blanket of cloud bringing not only wind, rain or snow, but also zero visability. Before you know it you are cold, wet and have no idea where the previously obvious footpath is. If you haven't brought a map then you don't even know how to get down (by another route). If you haven't got warm clothes or waterproofs then you will lose heat rapidly and face the dangers of hypothermia and death. If you have no food or water then you are again in trouble. In other words without planning and preparation to go somewhere beautiful and wonderful can turn into a nightmare.

Of course, you could go walking unprepared and it could be fine. Beautiful summers day, no issues. And the same is true of my current career searching and job applications. I could just 'go with the flow' and something could turn up and that is the way to go. Or, should I learn from my hiking experience and take a step back and plan and think about the route to take and prepare myself before taking the plunge? I just don't know folks.

And yet, the Bible, God's truthful and wonderful word tells me that if I sit and endure patiently, and put my hope in the Lord He will make my paths straight. Surely that is more than any planning ever could amount to.

Strength

What is strength? I think we tend to think of strength as a physical or mental attribute and one that is most demonstrated by what we can do or accomplish, perhaps even by what we can do that others can't. This thus makes us strong. But is this little more than arrogance? Is it folly to believe that we are strong and capable and that we have a list of strengths and attributes that provide us with our armour/support/resolve? Certainly the Bible paints a very clear picture of all our strength coming from the Lord God. Indeed, in the Old Testament the placing of faith by the Israelites in their own abilities would bring disaster as God removed their true support - His strength. Are we not doing the same thing each and every day in hundreds of circumstances, and facing disaster as we see our strength vanish with unemployment, illness and loss of those things that we took for granted and placed our faith in? Thankfully we are saved by Christ's sacrifice and strengthed through his abundant grace, but it still made me ponder greatly this week.

Crossroads

I feel like i'm currently in one of those periods that some people might characterise as a crossroads. Others might call it the wilderness (although I think that is a bit extreme if discussing my current situation), and I quite like the term shadowlands (borrowed of course from C.S. Lewis and suggesting that the time we occupy is a time in which we struggle to see what lies ahead; struggle to see the path laid out for us, surrounded as we are by varying darkness). This seems to be a reality for many areas of my life - job, home, and relationships (with friends and family but especially with Steph as both of us struggle to see how we might be together in the same country any time soon). But this crossroads, this realm of shadows is most perplexing when it touches my Christian walk, which at the moment is a frequent reality.

Now, before I trigger any panic buttons amongst my limited readership, I am not saying here that I am walking away from God, or that I am on the slippery slope. What I am saying is that things are strained and difficult right now. A lack of routine ensures that it is difficult to have a focused time of prayer and praise and Bible study each day, though of course its always a struggle to sit down and do this and I am under no illusion that work and routine will not bring its own challenges to meeting with the Lord, which of course they will. More peturbing though is church attendance. Given that I have already blogged about this at least once (maybe twice) that alone is a sign that its becoming an issue. By issue I mean something serious, difficult and frustrating.

Last week I made it to church, this week I didn't. That is the theme. One week i'm there, the next I'm not. Now church in of itself does not make me a Christian, but it is important and a wise way to live. That I am not making it is troubling. Yes, there are factors that complicate things, for example being 30 minutes drive from Christ Church and not being entirely comfortable or encouraged by the state of churches in St Helens. But even then is that really an excuse?

This leads me then to my crossroads. Church and how to resolve the situation. Prayer is one answer and sadly the one I turn to least. Continuing to pick myself up and fight is another ( and one that I and every other Christian faces each and every day in numerous situations) but then how do I then proceed? I've considered getting involved in a church in St Helens (Even though that would involve leaving behind good friends and a wonderful church of which I have declared my commitment through membership) or do I continue to attended Christ Church even though I am not really part of that community anymore (ie Liverpool) and I am woeful in actually attending the Sunday service, let alone housegroups. In my mind I even range to wondering if I should make a clean break and move to another town (or even country - for example USA) to resolve the difficulties. I just don't know folks and the more I dither the more rapildy the struggle becomes an epic trial.

Whatever the answer, that is my crossroads. I am thankful that God is unchanging, loving, perfect and merciful and that I can trust Him in everything that I do including this. Pray that I will do that however, that I will trust the Lord in prayer and hope and give thanks to every blessing that I do have.

October Sky

I'm beginning to develop something of a dislike for Sundays. A day which was not too long ago a great day of friendship and fellowship, and just last year was the day in which I was usually able to spend a little time with Steph, has now become a day for frustration and a very real physical and spiritual battle. Church, especially Christ Church in Liverpool, seems like a hundred miles away and the community of good old friends there seems to be more and more unfamiliar. Saturday night/Sunday morning is often a time of little sleep and of great spiritual attack, attack that I seem to be able to do very little about. The net result is that I wake feeling exhausted, frustrated, far from the Lord and usually spend Sunday at home, not at church, away from fellowship and friends, tired, broken and just fed up. Today was no different. But, alas, I whine.

On a slightly less miserable note, I watched October Sky today. Steph bought it for me as a surprise Valentine's present and it was great. I'd seen it before, but it was so nice to watch a genuinely uplifting film and a true(ish) story to boot. At the end I really did want to indulge my engineering skills and build a ruidmentary rocket/jet engine. Sadly, I lack actual skill and the requisite materials and tools to make anything. D'oh! Still, it is a spiffing way to spend an afternoon.

3:10 to Yuma

Its interesting posting a blog when you have no idea of what your readership is. My humility and realistic side suggests none and takes the view that this blog is nothing more than a noble quest to write well and find novel subjects. Or at least its something like that.

Tonight I finally got around to watching 3:10 to Yuma, a film i've been longing to watch for a long time, and one that I eventually took the plunge and bought the other day. Thats bought - not rented - simply on the unique selling points of 1) it looked good, 2) Christian Bale and Russell Crowe were in it and they tend to make some pretty amazing films, 3) it was directed by the chap who directed Walk the Line which was great. I know that this policy of what i'm calling 'blind buying' causes Steph some consternation, understandably since it may result occasionally in a spectacular flop (no film comes to mind right now but I did buy an Idlewild cd once that I threw in the bin almost immediately), but in this case - wow!!! What film! So, so, so good. Not quite an epic to end all epics, but at the risk of overusing that word it was epic in plot, acting performance, cinematography, soundtrack and its ability to surprise. Not at all formulaic.

So yeah.. A great film.